Sober

paris. city of love. i want to go to paris. maybe, if i go i can get tons of love. i just want to feel that, i want to be loved. now, i just can feel the frustrastion. i can't feel anything at all. i really wish that i could feel something, but i can't. anyway, i have a boyfriend. i love him so much. i know it's excessive. and at the same time i hate him so much. he lied to me, my heart genuinely broke. sometimes, i just lying on the bed and think that i'm better without him. but, deep inside my heart is telling me that i shouldn't give up on love. my mom told me if you're in love get ready to get hurt. and i think of it all the time. life is not easy, but life must go on.

my friends told me that he's not the one. i must broke up with him. move on. as we discussed earlier, i can't do that. and i won't. i hate myself. i don't have any certainty about this. tell me what should i do boy? seeing you with her breaks me. i die slowly. day by day. you killing me softly. i feel like paris is the only place where i can express my feeling and let it all out.

smiling doesn't necessarily means i'm happy.

sometimes, it just means that i'm strong enough to face my problems.